Me and not Me

I have been using 'anarosemarie' for as long as I can remember. I invent and re-invent the blog, the style, but I do not sustain it. I have thought of stopping again and re-inventing myself one last time, but do not know how or where I am going. I want to change my online name, erase the past and start afresh. In reality I do not know who I am and have been looking in all the wrong places for validation. I want to accomplish something without giving up on dreams because I doubt myself or take a criticism to heart. I want to be free of Me, the one and only person who stands in my way. I have blamed everything and everyone for the choices that I have made, for a long time, but I have blamed myself most of all. I have never given myself a break, allowed myself to fail without berating myself for the failure and I never ever allow myself to forget. The guilt that shapes my life is piled on by me. I hope that 2014 is the year that I endeavour to forgive myself and be who I truly am, not the person I believe others want me to be.